Am I Dreaming?

2003-08-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

okay, it's working again. my xanga site...

2003-08-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

so anyway... xanga hasn't been working out lately. once it is working, though, i'll be back on it. so, the news for now...

guess what? i'm anemic. and pissed. (anemia is iron deficiency... ) so now i'm taking a supplement which provides me with 361% of my % Daily Value (of iron). only i'm taking it twice. why am i so annoyed? i don't know... excitingly, my running should improve a bunch. like a bunch of bananas. only not. so that's way super cool... in a way? cause i've been feeling crappy but like not bad... so this could be fun... :-)

my sister and i went to wild waves today and looked way super hot. it's tough to be this good looking, let me tell you. *rolls eyes* we did get a discount when we bought our tickets to get in, though. that was cool. ummmmm... yeah.

so other than that, i don't got much.

quote of the day: "You love your shoes because they give you a litte tongue." - Who's Line is it Anyway?

2003-07-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

okay... i think i'm moving.

not MOVING moving... but from blogger to xanga. check it out... i'm just getting kind of annoyed with this thing. thinking xanga will be more interesting. anyway... going to be late for work as it is.

2003-06-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

and i kissed you in a style clark gable would've admired... i thought it classic...

:-)

2003-06-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

it's a shame that i cannot spell at 1:anything in the morning. argh, like 3.5 hours of sleep. i am very much going to be sleeping on the ferry. shower time!

2003-06-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

running is definately not happening at all now.

:-)

2003-06-28T00:22:00.000-07:00

suddenly i am very tired.

screw running tomorrow morning. :-P

2003-06-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

dude, my whole blogger thing has changed... i am liking this. :-)

ummm yeah i need to get serious about this sleeping thing. at least i've started drinking water. between yesterday after i ran and right now (so a span of about 21 hours) i have drank about 3 liters of water. that's about 3 liters more than i usually drink. yay for me!!!!!! hopefully i won't feel so crappy when i go running today. yesterday i had to cut my run short (run ONLY 6 miles instead of 8... haha whatever) because i couldn't run very well and i'm not THAT out of shape. i hope. :-) but really, i need so much more sleep... so very much more... zzzzzzzzzzzz...

work is actually pretty nice now that my meds are all working and stuff... i pulled lots of weeds today and my fingertips are sore for it (and the last two days as well) but it's relaxing to destroy things and listen to hard rock. ahhh...

other than that kristin is coming over to run in a few minutes (YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!) which is so way super cool. she's been at camp so probably has tons of cool things and i've been... at home... yay. so yeah, anyway, hopefully she'll want to run like really easy and stuff. that would be cool with me. maybe she'll not want to run at all and we can nap! haha... i forgot there is nowhere in my room to sleep except for this one place on the floor big enough for me. scratch the nap idea. running it is.

time to throw on the running clothes. and eat something. woot. :-)

2003-06-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

mmm... this stay up until 2am then get up 4.5 hours later thing isn't doing it for me. i should probably not do that anymore. stop distracting me!!!!!!! okay, so i totally do it to myself, but whatever. hmm... i have to leave for WORK in like 25 minutes. maybe i should go change out of my gross sweaty running clothes or something. hmmm still not a morning runner, despite my best efforts. i'm really good at sleeping in the mornings, though... sooo if you ever need me to do that for you and you want to pay me for it or something, i'd be more than happy to do that. i really want to change the template for my blog again, but then i have to redo all of the links and stuff. mostly i'm lazy. but this green color is starting to get to me.

i'm going to wear my pants with the handprints on the butt to work today. the one good thing about working outside is that i can wear stuff like that... but um it still doesn't compensate for the green growing stuff that makes me sneeze. TIME FOR MEDS!!!! hmmm... should be interesting. luckily i'm only working for 3.5 hours. hehe. :-)

yay for summer... or something.

2003-06-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

quote of the day in response to my question of "can i get you anything?":

"Besides a beer? Or a margarita? Or a pitcher of sangria? How about a large bottle of wine with a straw? Oh, I know... Valium!"

:-)

2003-06-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

worth reading - the article looks a lot longer than it really is.

2003-06-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

been up over an hour and have done nothing. this laziness must stop.

after i nap.

2003-06-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

okay so last night i wrote this big old long post and it was really way super cool (i finished it at like 2 something in the morning so it had to be!) and then blogger erased it. grr!!! SO... here we go.

again.

FRIDAY!!!!
friday i did some baking, some cleaning, and much strong bad email watching. yay for strong bad. and if you haven't gotten into it yet, www.homestarrunner.com- seriously, way super cool. then i went over to kelli's house and we had much fun and how could we not?! then i went home and went to barnes and noble with jamie, katie, cindy, and kathy for the midnight release of HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!! okay, so i started the book and realize that i need to reread the first 4 or so because it's been years literally since i've read them. BUT it was so way super cool seeing all of the cranky little kids and dressed up adults in a packed bookstore. went home, read harry potter, fell asleep on the couch, got up at 4, got in bed, and then...

SATURDAY!!!!!!!
nothing really happened today.

haha! just kidding! i woke up, ate some food, went running, katie dressed me, i changed, went to the ferry and it was POURING!!!! so glad that i changed and hadn't done my hair. so we picked up nate from the ferry and then drove home to change. then we all went grocery shopping for stuff for dinner. nate and i hung out with kelli for a few hours which was way much fun... caffiene+kelli+me is an interesting time. if you're bored you should try it.

katie made the best most yummiest dinner EVER!!!! she is such an awesome cook. after dinner we watched some random tv, then nate and i braved bremerton to get to the ferry. i braved bremerton once again, came home, talked on IM, wrote the email, dinked around, went to bed at 4am which leads me to...

SUNDAY SUNDAY SOMEDAY!!!!
my mom woke me up at freaking 10am!!!! holy crap, i didn't think i'd sleep that late. then i've been trying to clean my room, but as you may have noticed i'm procrastinating. so yeah. that's it. drinking coffee. and typing. plans for the day include going through all of my crap, hoping katie will help me go through all of my crap, and going for my long run. yay for lower mileage weeks when my long run takes not much over an hour. :-)

and that is all. i think.

and blogger, you can kiss my ass.

2003-06-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

i think today is the first time i've been homesick, actually, for bellingham.

2003-06-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

A POEM BY BETH
went to camp tuesday

came home today

i don't feel like running

i just want a shower

2003-06-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

hollywood video doesn't want me. my life has no meaning anymore.

moving on, tomorrow i leave for cross country camp. i'm nervous, but that's okay... i'm only gone through thursday afternoon. and i'll have people to run with for a couple of days! that's always a nice thing to have.

oooh i'm going to get a phone call!

2003-06-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

i figure i should blog something... so yeah, i'm home only to depart on tuesday to go to XC CAMP!!! :-) i'm kinda scared because i get to play "adult" and "assistant coach"... oh boy. this could be an interesting two days... but i get to run. yay!

my room is a COMPLETE wreck but that happens sometimes. like when you come home from school and dump everything onto the floor... and it isn't even my stuff from school. fuck. :-)

ummm i have to get up at 6am tomorrow morning so i can wash my hair... blah lots of coffee for me! then i get to leave by 7, drive around, hopefully find out about whether or not i can get a job and then go from there. i think i'm hanging out with kristin too. we'll go through stuff so we can separate out what's mine and what's hers. good times!!! :-)

if i don't get the job, i can work at white pass for 3 weeks straight! holy shit do you know how cool that would be? i would be sooo dead by the end, but it would be worth it. hmmm... i dunno. so confused.

this is not a particularly uplifting blog. i'm done.

2003-06-13T15:53:00.000-07:00

i ended up napping for like two hours this morning- i just got too tired. packing out was good- dad and i did a fabulous job! it's really sad being gone from my home away from home... but is my home away from home now my home and my home is my home away from home? i think i need to stick some numbers on these things. but anyway, my rationale is that most everyone else is leaving too so it wouldn't be the same. i just want another quarter with everyone. and some sun. i like that.

so my family left me alone... i'm running around in this way cute skirt my sister got for *free* just to give to ME, and a t-shirt. my dad told me if that was what i was dressed in to go out-i looked cute, but i had no sense. i said it was a good thing i wasn't going anywhere.

too much to do... i'm beginning with laundry. clothes are good... but mine are all put away at the moment excepting the ones in the laundry, so i need to do the wash. yay, just started it. clean clothes in a couple hours. AND no laundry card. maybe i'll go move furniture. i need some distractions.

2003-06-13T04:08:00.000-07:00

it's starting to get light...

2003-06-13T03:32:00.000-07:00

pulling the all night packing thing. it's 3:30 right now and i'm really getting tired. too bad my room is a wreck and i took all of the bed stuff off of the... um... bed. all of my stuff multiplied. seriously. weird. and it's driving me up a wall. it'll all fit going home, but man. would have been nice if my roommate had done a little more... and holy shit the living room is so messy yet. *sigh*

two and a half months until cross country camp.

:-)

2003-06-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

i think i'm going to end up running like 2 miles maybe today or something. eh, fuck running. it's my last night in bellingham! pass the allergy meds!

um... if only i could find them in the mess that is my room...

i've said "fuck" a lot today in my blog.

eh, whatever.

and you know what's coming next.

fuck it.

2003-06-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

i fucking hate my neighbors and their fucking loud music.

fuck.

:-)

2003-06-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

fucking papers. maybe i should just go and get some good yummy coffee, relax for a few, and then come back to it. might not be a bad idea.

2003-06-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

more interesting material for you to read! mostly i really like the name... i haven't looked over the site a whole lot, but hopefully it contains some interesting information or something you might find useful. if you get a chance, email me and let me know what you think! back in the VU typing away on my paper. i have entered part two of my paper. lacking any sort of transition that sounded intelligent, i have decided to divide my paper into parts I, II, and III. very creative, i know. back to work!

2003-06-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

shit... :-P the first FIVE PAGES of my paper are devoted to eating disorders. FUCKING FIVE PAGES!!!! I CAN"T BELIEVE IT! now i just have to relate it all to my class... this could be interesting. it's only 1:37 right now... i have until 3:30 tomorrow to get it done. it's okay. i just wrote a page in about an hour... so at this rate my paper is only going to take me like another 10 hours to complete. i've got all night baby. ;-) i think the next four pages will take the longest to complete because they are research based, but the last few are just whatever i want to say... so i'm good to go. *sigh* i'm so in paper writing mode right now. too bad the computer is going to be due in like 40 minutes and i'll have to go home. BUT i get to go to fairhaven and get a cookie with a friend i haven't seen in a while. adequate compensation... :-) i can always come back later, and i think that is what i'll be doing.

okay, back to work!!

2003-06-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

so yeah, it'd be nice to get something productive towards SCHOOL done when studying for english, but somehow that sort of productveness seems to happen in limited quantities. so yeah, i'm hoping i can pull something out of somewhere for my final... i just need to be confident. i've done the reading, i've been in class for lecture, and i can smell my dirty running clothes on the floor from here. lordy. whatever, who am i trying to impress? :-)

despite my night of sleepless lack of english related topics, it was good. too bad i only got like 4 hours of sleep. PASS THE COFFEE!!

ENGLISH 309, HERE I COME!!!!

2003-06-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

so what do you do when your allergy meds just don't work?

you bitch a whole lot and buy a box of tissues. :-)

2003-06-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

hmmm... on the second page of my 15 page paper... i see many many hours in the library tomorrow working on it. holy shit. but i have everything down, i just need to back everything up and that is slowing me down quite a lot. this is going to be soooo awesome when i am done. i am writing on extreme fasting in the middle ages and how it relates to modern day anorexia... mostly just a paper that gives me an excuse to do research i was going to do anyway. but now it has even more purpose! hmm... 4 minutes to get this computer turned in. AHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!!

ps thanks for the cookies ;-)

2003-06-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

so the morning begins with me sleeping in way super later than i thought i would be, sneezing, and the thought of impending doom brought on by the knowlege that at this time tomorrow (plus an hour or something) i'll be taking a final.

time to hit the spark notes.

i don't want this year to end anymore.

2003-06-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

i found my missing self this morning.........

...on a trail.........

.............. up a hill........................

...... running.

2003-06-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

i'm allergic to someething in my room. holy fuck.

2003-06-07T11:13:00.000-07:00

and God created allergies WHY?!

2003-06-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

talk about a pbi challenge... today i went to lake padden with two of my girls... and wore a two piece bathing suit.

*gasp*

it was a little disconcerting because:
1) there were a lot of people there
2) EVERYONE was checking out EVERYONE ELSE
3) there were some really hot girls there... honestly i didn't really pay any attention to the guys... i think i was feeling overly self concious.

but on the whole i was really proud of myself for wearing a two piece (even if i did end up wearing shorts over the bottoms... maybe someday... :-) ). "well, how is it different from running in a sports bra and shorts?" i hear you ask... well, usually i avoid populated areas AND i'm moving pretty fast so my stomach looks more fit and no one can look for very long. like anyone gives a fuck anyway. i talked to one of my friends last night for a while about bathing suits and stuff... and really i'm projecting how i feel about my body onto everyone else... most people are insecure to some degree. and yeah. it was good for me i think... maybe i'll even get a two piece bathing suit. like i have anywhere to wear it. but whatever.

:-)

concert tonight!!!!

2003-06-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

1) ariel font can make a 6 page paper turn into a 7 page paper

2) i am never going to sleep tonight because i took two naps

3) chocolate is really good, and better even when melty

4) i drank some coke

5) that was a really stupid thing to do, considering i took two naps

6) conclusions suck

7) karl is much better at making lists than i am

8) hi karl

9) people can make very comfortable pillows

10) Much madness is divinest sense/To a discerning eye

11) my discerning eye isn't shutting

12) mmm... chocolate

13) i really like vanilla ice cream in ice cream cones, especially near the bottom of the cone... but not in the pointy cones, the flat bottom {sugar?} cones.

14) tomorrow is my last day of english 309

15) i haven't been very productive tonight

16) since i'm not sleeping i should probably work

17) kristin saved me... thanks for the font tip

18) ariel font is so fucking cool

19) yatta boys are HOT

20) i'm going to work now

2003-06-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

i'm on the 6th page aout to leap onto the 7th, finished with all analysis and onto the conlusion. i'm fucked. maybe they'll accept a seven page paper instead. maybe i'll be docked points. i feel i've exhausted everything. speaking of exhausted, i think i really really need a nap and a break from my paper before i try and finish it.

*note: i'm stressing so everything seems worse than it is.*

plus i'm really tired. that doesn't help either.

oh yeah, i tried bubble tea today... weird stuff. i don't think i am a big fan. but i tried it! been wanting to do it, got the chance, did it, and now i am going to go sleep.

good night.

2003-06-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

so i run into this girl i know and she tells me that she never realized how short i am... except instead of short she said "petite"... or however you spell that. again, it's my blog so i can do whatever, spell however, and yeah. it was kinda funny... yes, i'm only 5'3.5"! lol whatever i usually only see her when we are running opposite directions.

so i got 3 pages done on my paper and have another 4-5 to do today... right now i am not brainfried and enjoying the feeling before i totally stress out this afternoon. must remember to print out my paper before i return the computer with WIRELESS INTERNET that i am using. maybe at some point i'll be able to get over this wireless internet thing, but until then...

the weird thing about not running for a couple of days is that is messes with my apetite... i'm not hungry AT ALL. and i've been up for a couple of hours. hmmm... WEIRD.

okay, paper time.

2003-06-04T18:04:00.000-07:00

holy shit okay, earlier today i was using wireless internet outside! now i am using it inside, but oh my gosh this is the coolest thing in the world. i seriously emailed soooo many people when i was using it outside... okay maybe really like 4 of you, but whatever. okay, time to finish a paper, loves!

if you could only see the way she loves me, maybe you would understand...

2003-06-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

i think i'm paranoid.

2003-06-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

How's your day
Did it go your way but
You never ask about it...
-goo goo dolls

fuck paper writing.

2003-06-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

this is worth reading, loves... recovery is possible!

and please go check out the eating disorder websites i've posted under stuff you should check out... it's just to the left. :-)

2003-06-01T19:04:00.000-07:00

started reading The Princess Diaries... it's really pretty funny so far. yay, more to distract me when i am supposed to be writing my papers this week.

2003-05-31T01:36:00.000-07:00

okay, so it's 1:30 in the morning... i am sooooo going to pay for this tomorrow when i wake up at 8am and have to run. maybe i won't run. wow, what a concept. you know, my legs are tired and i don't know that i want to wait until the half marathon to take my time off. and another day off this week won't kill me.

*smiles*

so i'm sitting at home right now eating some ice cream because i can. the "because i can" refering to being home AND, more importantly, eating the ice cream. damn, that suff was good. :-) the drive home was alright... a little rainy for the beginning, but otherwise not too much traffic to complain about and the music was good. mostly.

i really really like the name alexander. if i were a boy, i would want my name to be alexander.

alexander alexander alexander.

hmmm... what else? tomorrow i get to drive around with my girls and my sister! she's one of my girls, but i thought that i would specify since usually she isn't included in the group because we live a couple hundred miles away from one another. i am so excited she gets to go though! i was so running around the house earlier tonight out of sheer excitement. in a completely unrelated thought... lordy i miss my mom's humor. sarcasm is not a big thing in college, oddly enough. :-P

How's your day
Did it go your way but
You never ask about it...

and i'm sure gnomes have better places to hide than in storage closets... :-)

2003-05-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

okay, i was really tired and in a bad mood earlier today, but now i am in a better mood. yay!!!! anyway... heading home soon. *excited*

new condom for my collection! i'm up to 6!

peace.

2003-05-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

:-P

2003-05-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

holy shit i have the coolest friends in the world...

i walk in the door and BAM! we are celebrating my birthday today!!!!! mmm... balloons, streamers, and most importantly, a cake. omg this so made my day... maybe even my week. :-)

i love my girls.

2003-05-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

i really need to do work this morning, but i am much more interested in turning on windows media player and listening to tool while watching the visualization. *blushes* yeah, i'm a loser. it's okay.

maybe i ought to mention it was never my intention to harm or your kin. are you so scared to look within? the ghosts are crawling on our skin. we may race and we may run, we'll not undo what has been done or change the moment when it's gone...

i know it would be outrageous to come on all courageous and offer you my hand to pull you up on to dry land, when all i got is sinking sand...

love's a raven when it flies...

2003-05-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

sweeeeeet!!! my book for my research project is IN at the library. that makes me very happy. i can do some reading today, and then hopefully start my research project. and for anyone who talked to me yesterday when i was swearing up a storm, thanks for being patient. :-)

okay, guess what? (go on, guess!) i can make good coffee finally! it's taken a while, but i can make it about 85% of the time! it's really a big thing. too bad i figured it out so close to the end of the year... actually, i really am happy that school is going to be out soon, but really sad at the same time because it's taken the whole of my sophomore year for things to be really cool.
so now they are and i have two and a half weeks left. oh the irony. :-P

lordy my hair annoys me.

meet me in outerspace... :-)

2003-05-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

somewhat sleep deprived, i took three naps today- two of them in the same english class. oops. well... we really weren't doing anything that terribly exciting, so i decided that sleeping would be a viable option to paying attention. then i ended up taking a nap when my meeting got cancelled...

i'm doing an evening run tonight and very much looking forward to it... i really need it. my legs were tired this morning, but i'm hoping that time, warmth, and running on flat will be enough to not have them feel quite so crappy.

it seems to me so very odd that i have, on one hand, a friend that is very excited to gain weight and looks at the backs of packages and says "ooh, calories are good, right?" then on the other hand, have a friend that is (no exaggeration) going to put herself in the hospital because she's terrified of gaining weight. i don't understand.

run run run run run run run run run run run...

2003-05-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

holy crap tonight i had the weirdest conversation...

...i think i just really need some sleep.

maybe i should go to bed.

what a novel idea.

2003-05-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

i feel weird... hopefully i'm just really tired. :-P

2003-05-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

ouch! i feel really beat up today. i think playing frisbee did it to me... yeah, so i can run 10 miles straight and be left feeling a little tired the next day, but oh man bust out the frisbee and it's all over. i'm annoyed with my body. i think not sleeping regularly isn't helping either... tonight i shall make a valient effort to remedy my sleeplessness. if i can fall asleep that is. i'm wandering now.

i must remember that tomorrow is tuesday so that i go to all of the right classes (ie wake up for badminton!). i can't get it out of my head that tomorrow is monday- thankfully it isn't.

tonight, fajitas for dinner! did i spell that right? sure, why not. it's my blog, anyway. i'm really exicited. :-)

2003-05-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

*ahem*

okay, so i slept for two and a half hours and i feel much better, although a little out of it. i feel bad 'cause i know my suitemates wanted to vacuum (just come out when you wake up or something so we know when you're awake) but i guess they got tired of waiting for me so they left to go and get some coffee. meanwhile, i was napping and i ended up talking to karl mid-nap (phone call) and i have no idea what the fuck i said. i think he asked if i wanted to go watch ski to sea or something and i have no idea what came out of my mouth. ooh, but i guess i asked how he did and it sounded like he did well, so yay!!! good for you.

yesterday was much fun- hung out with kate for part of the day, played some frisbee golf (it's too bad when a frisbee is better at rolling than at flying... :-P), got coffee, watched a "sunset", got my ass kicked at ping pong (i so lost by not that much!!!), and then did a lot of not sleeping. hence the nap today.

i got a call from hollywood video YESTERDAY AFTERNOON and my sister neglected to CALL ME AND TELL ME! i wonder how long it would have taken for me to get the message if i had not called until like, Tuesday or something. so hopefully i'll have a job or something this summer... one that is very much allergy free, because i am not down with not being able to see or breathe or whatever (whatever meaning anything else that becomes profoundly affected when i work with all things green and growing). although i'll really miss working outside.

mmm... yummy. :-P

2003-05-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

did i just seriously sleep for two and a half hours? holy crap. i am so fucking out of it. wow.

2003-05-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

holy crap!!!!! for those of you who don't run, that is really really really really really fucking cool. :-D yay ashlee (and everyone else who did so way super awesome at nationals!!!)

2003-05-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

today i am going to run run run and it'll be fabulous. i'm really very excited to just go run... i'll see how i feel once i actually have to haul myself out of the door however. i'm working my way onto a Maroon 5 kick... must watch out for that. it's kind of pop-ish for me, but i'm liking it a lot. plus i feel okay about listening to it because i've known about them for several months... thanks to late night mtv! i love watching mtv late at night. they play a lot of bands that aren't as popular yet. kinda cool. yeah. maybe i should change to run.

2003-05-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

damn my guilty conscience.

2003-05-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

in contrast i would like to add...

2003-05-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

happiness is...
happiness is?
happiness is-
it's...
sunshine?
flowers?
running in the rain?
happiness, happiness is...
surprise visits...
a friendly hug...
glitter crayons...
fat glitter crayons.
happiness is
warm chocolate chip cookies
from the oven
on a cold
rainy
afternoon
happiness is-
being by yourself
with someone else-
unconditional friendship-
saying i love you
and meaning it-
happiness is?
happiness is.

2003-05-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

and i'm *really excited* because jamie put my blog on her xanga thingie. :-)

2003-05-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

i love the word "yummy". it's such a fabulous word... i don't know why i've decided all of a sudden i adore the word, but it really is a fun word to say and use. mmm... that was yummy... i don't think i am all of the way awake yet. i should make some coffee.

i got the job i applied for a couple of weeks ago, but i'm not going to take it...
1) it's a lawn mowing/ weed whacking job, and although i don't mind doing that stuff AT ALL (seriously, no sarcasm here, loves), i'm so fucking allergic to everything green and growing and no amount of allergy meds really helps with that...
2) i really want to work at White Pass/Clear Lake XC camp, and working with the parks department wouldn't allow me to do that... it's so much fun to go running in the morning with 130 kids, hang out with coaches, and just train somewhere else
3) more time to run lots and lots!
4) maybe i could see DMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) more time with family

and that's all i can think of right now. but mostly i don't think i could stand to be that miserable for hours and hours with allergies and stuff. i mean, it gets sooo bad sometimes... i like being able to breathe and see. good decision. now i just have to call them and tell them that i am not interested in the job... sad. i feel bad, but it happens. i so didn't think i was even going to get the job... ah well. :-)

lemme see... what else what else... i got a major indirect compliment this morning and am rather pleased... i'm helping out with a spaghetti feed tonight, my research project is interesting, and i only have one class today. looks like it is going to be a really pretty good day. excepting that one of my friends is going to be absent from english for the REST OF THE WEEK! other than THAT... i'm excited. and yeah. time to do stuff. :-)

2003-05-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

okay so since i am sure a lot of people are curious about the whole "year without being kissed deal", here's the skinny...

last night, 364th day without being kissed, i did get a kiss... so i was *just* short of a year. i'm happy. yay! :-)

thanks to EVERYONE (group and *individual*) who helped to make that happen...

so... for everyone who has put up with me and my complaining and my countdown, there you go. end.

:-)

2003-05-19T23:56:00.000-07:00

i am a happy camper. :-)

g'night, loves!

2003-05-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

there are so many "what ifs" to life and really it just freaks the hell out of me. there are so many coincidences, so many things that happen or that we feel should happen- i believe in fate, but i am not a fatalist. if that makes any sort of sense. i believe that what is meant to be will be, it's just good to help it along a little bit sometimes and that the decisions we make take part in dictating what will happen. i believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is a reason for everything. or at least that one can FIND reason in things. there are too many coincidences for anything to be just an accident. mostly i'm just all weirded out right now. life is so odd.

what if...

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Harder To Breathe- Maroon 5

2003-05-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

so i shouldn't have taken a nap- i'm really kind of tired now instead of simply drowsy. but you know, sometimes stupid stuff happens. like today- i went on a date (*wink*) and whilst we were walking around i played with some tall grass- just pulling it apart and stuff. no big deal. then i'm sitting at my computer at home and i touch the area around my eyes, and then my eyes start itching and my allergies act up and then my eyes are all red and puffy and watery and swollen and lauren was like "wow, that looks bad." i'm such a fucking moron- i'm allergic to grass! duh!!! like i said, sometimes stupid stuff happens.

maybe i should make some coffee. or work on making some dinner. or something. i'm kind of hungry.

okay, dinner is started. soup soup soup for me. yay for it also being okay for me to swear around someone now! por ejemplo:

Beth says: what the fuck?
Beth says: oops, sorry- i typed that
Friend says: You are not going to offend me
Beth says: okay well then
Beth says: fuck
Friend says: yeah, fucking shit

dammit my soup is hot!!! i keep burning my tongue and the roof of my mouth. ah well... the taste of food is overrated, right? lemme see... anything else? study study study tonight... midterm tomorrow. last softball game tonight, although i think we still have one to make up. working on a cd for someone (!!!) but frustrated because cds are annoying as hell to make... if you want to make a good one. annnd last but not least, two days left kids.

2003-05-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

okay- saw matrix reloded and my gosh Trinity is HOT. and i really do mean that. other than that, the movie is sooo totally worth seeing for a good laugh. i laughed very hard. so did kristin. but really, how could one not?! :-D

2003-05-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

and i wrote and essay today on why i want to visit the moon and consequently had this song stuck in my head for the rest of the test.

2003-05-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

all done with testing for today so i can blissfully ignore the papers i need to start writing. really, i need to start my paper for 309... i think i'm going to write about romantic love- really i should write about something that pisses me off in the class, but i can't really do that. one of my profs already hates me as it is. :-) the other paper requires i check out books from the library, sooooo i'll do that tomorrow morning. i think.

i love spring, but i keep forgetting about all of the things that i need to do and have planned to do and am supposed to do. this is the time i need to use my planner because i am so fuzzed out. but that would require having to use my planner, and that is a pain in the ass. sooo i am going to stop complaining because it's useless.

It might have been great
It might have gorgeous
It might have been why I've settled in

and so i end my blog.

2003-05-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

"guys don't dig girls who drool." sooo that's my problem!! *wink* (thanks kim!)

2003-05-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

i have housing for next year! well... on campus but whatever. and uh... yeah. WEST-B tomorrow... hoping for the best, but i think i'm fucked on the math section. peace.

2003-05-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

i think tonight i am attempting to piss off the world. i should just go crawl in bed.

grr.

2003-05-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

ugh i'm addicted to running. i kept running and running tonight- and would have run more but i started hitting dead point and that was good for me. so i ran 10 tonight which granted isn't forever, but good after not having a long run for a week and a half. i really needed it. so i feel good right now. running is so calming- especially the long runs. so i feel really good. TOMORROW however, will suck. running-wise.

i felt kinda bad- today i went to see my honors prof about my final and he had brought some books for my paper topic as of noon yesterday. however, sometime around *3pm* a new topic hit me and i decided to write on fasting and eating disorders instead of dreams. so i told him that i switched topics and he was okay with that (despite the books he brought!)- AND he doesn't really know anything about fasting or eating disorders so i'm safe to write about them... although he won't be particularly useful if i need help. :-)

ummm... other than that, i had a fun lunch today with one of my friends and then met another friend for coffee. he kicked my ass at everything, so now i am his ego booster- if ever he needs a boost he can find me and we can play speed or jenga or whatever. i can just be content in knowing i could kick his ass if we went running... which we won't but that's alright. :-)

tomorrow is another day of badminton and maybe some research and holy crap some napping because i think i am going to be so fucking tired it won't even be funny. less than 6 hours of sleep last night and the prospects for tonight aren't looking so good either. and i am pretty sure i am living on campus next year- did i already mention that? whatever. okay, i need to do something else. i'm not making sense-

almost 5...

2003-05-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

i've fucked up the housing thing... well, it isn't entirely my fault since my family won't let me live particularly far away from school. sooo next year looks like i am going to be living by myself because i am pretty sure everyone else already has someone to live with. argh. i don't really want to live by myself, but... well, it happens. i was trying to think of the upside of living by myself- as long as i can get my hands on some high speed internet, that would be cool. AND any incoming phone calls would be for me. AND everything i would have would belong to me. AND i could be messy. AND i could go to bed whenever. um... i could think of other things.

job interview soon. yikes.

2003-05-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

argh i hate it when my subdued emotional state is interpreted as either apathy or disinterest. i ran a mile and a half today and i have a job interview tomorrow and i am tired and complaining and i am going to end this entry now.

2003-05-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

yay for sleep. that is what i did last night and then again this morning after class. i wish i hadn't set my alarm because right now i would still be sleeping...

i have counting crows stuck in my had soooooo badly. maybe i should just listen to it! okay, now i have Mr. Jones playing... speaking of whom, i need to send one of my friends an email or call or something. "sha la la la la la la la la yeah... uh-huh, yeah..." but yeah, this was all i could sing today during badminton. drove me nuts, and i am sure everyone else as well because more often than not i can't carry i tune in a bucket. which is fine by me really because what the hell does carrying a tune in a bucket do for me? and i don't even have a bucket anyway, so i suppose it's a moot point. i digress.

i didn't think it was possible that there were other people in badminton that could be as lethargic and apathetic and karl and i are in the morning, or even suck quite as much as we do, but my goodness we found some. it was incredable. well, except the part where i told them we suck at badminton (to comfort them in their warnings prior to the game THEY really really suck) and then in the middle of the game one of the girls says "wow, you really DO suck! we've never had this many points!" :-) i suppose it's a comfort to know that really our major problem is not that everyone we play is so much more talented than we are, but that we can't keep the fucking birdie in the court. :-)

i figured it was time to take a shower if i couldn't remember if it was yesterday or the day before i last showered. ha. i'm so bad about that. yikes. *note: my goal 99.5% of the time is not to impress. thank you.*

and what the fuck does "peeling furniture days" mean? weirdo Bush lyrics...

one week!!!!!

2003-05-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

good day mostly- good run, good softball, good class, good food- but got my ass kicked wrestling. hmmm... oh well. he had the height weight advantage.

and what's this with my kisses not being appreciated? :-P

more running and BUSY day tomorrow...

8 days...

2003-05-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

i haven't done my homework again- and i need to be halfway through a book for one of my other classes by tomorrow. hmm... ah, well. i'll get it done somehow. somehow meaning foregoing sleep... HAHA yeah right. what a busy busy busy week i have coming up- okay, maybe not really that busy, but i have lots of little things that are at weird times. so the times i have to run are really all over the place. maybe i'll take more days off. maybe i'm really super in need of a good run. i ran *ahem* 14.5 miles last week! no worries, i needed the time off. so yeah- i'll see how today's run goes-

it was so good to see my family this weekend. it'll be nice to see more of them this summer- speaking of summer i have a job interview on wed morning at 9am- over the phone! a little worried, not even sure i want to take the job if they offer it to me because i do have something else i could do this summer that would afford me more flexable hours for anything that might come up- but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.

thanks karl for this song- it's good and i didn't know the name of it. :-)

i should think about going to class soon... my class where one of my profs hates me and the other constantly needs to point out the fact that i shared my opinion that i do not particularly care for the overidealization of the romantic authors. "not particularly care" is the nice way of saying it. and if that was confusing, my class has two profs. :-P

coffee was good today. good for me. :-)

2003-05-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

i am sanity.

2003-05-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

so today i am at lunch with my mom talking about the movie waking life and how ever since i've seen it i can't have a lucid dream. i spend the afternoon with my mom and grandad, then come home, hang out for a bit, and go to take a nap.

i'm walking down the hall to go to my friend nate's room and i see this guy trying to carry this trash can thing with a cord, so i help him out and he's kind of rude, doesn't say thank you- real nice. :-P so anyway, i set the thing down, and go back a door to nate's room, but i knock and no one is there. then i realize it's this other guy's door in my building and i'm on the 3rd, not the 4th floor! how i ended up there, i don't know- but never put something like getting off the elevator on the wrong floor past me. walking down the hall i'm all tired and confused and woosey and then it hits me- i'm dreaming. i'm dreaming! i'm having a lucid dream! what to do what to do?! i'll fly! so i did- i could actually fly. it was the fucking coolest thing-

i don't know if any of you have ever had dreams where you could fly or float, but it is the most amazing experience to actually feel your body become weightless.

but then i couldn't breathe. that scared the hell out of me- so i reminded myself i was dreaming and then i could breathe again. i was floating up the stairwell in my residence hall and, seeing as flying is something i don't normally do, i ran into the wall and the railing a whole bunch- kind of hurt but whatever. then i couldn't breathe again, and even though i told myself i was dreaming, i still couldn't breathe. i was trying to gasp for air, but i couldn't- so i decided it was time to wake up because i was going to suffocate-

and i woke up.

it was so fucking cool. ah, the possiblilites.

10 days.

2003-05-10T01:54:00.000-07:00

i've hit dead point- i'm too stupid and tired to even read cosmo girl- pathetic, isn't it?

and everything is very surreal right now. very. what the hell happened to my life?

2003-05-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

all your mental armor drags me down...

okay, so i've had the song in my head for *days* and it's going to drive me freaking nuts. but honestly, how much more nuts could i really get? prolly a lot but that is NOT the point. humor me, it's been quite a day/week/month/whatever. i had vanilla coke today for the first time- diet vanilla coke- and it was odd. good, but really odd. :-)

other than that- yeah. long day- trying to figure the whole housing thing out, and that in itself is a monumental political task...

but i am liking this vanilla coke stuff. :-)

2003-05-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

i'm really tired tonight and in one of those weird impossibly variable moods that shifts at any given moment. blech. really i think i need some sleep. some really good sleep. good quality sleep is hard to come by...

Believe in me
Help me believe in anything
I want to be someone who believes

i've also noticed that the more angry or annoyed i get, the more formal my writing tends to become. random thought. it's entertaining.

2003-05-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

yay for condoms for my collection! i now have five- orange, green, yellow, black, and one of undetermined colour. one of my friends working in the whatever place on campus- sexual awareness center?- said she'd call me when they got glow in the dark! woo! and, i would like to mention, it's a collection because none of them are getting used. :-P but yay, i'm excited.

other than that- i sunburned really badly last week and now all of my skin is coming off. and i think i need some water.

okay, yay for water. my run today really really sucked. my body is so tired. i don't think this running thing is working for me right now. tomorrow i'll split my run up into two, so that'll work better. oh oh phone call!

2003-05-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

hmm... not too much going on right now. my day has been pretty decent so far, inasmuch as i haven't done anything really and not too much is going on. :-P so anyway, i'm in the library and i will study, but not for a few minutes. i don't really want to do a whole lot. yay, i FINALLY slept last night- for something like 8.5 hours. before that i'd gotten about 12 hours of sleep in three days- the world appeared a much rosier place when i woke up. anyway- hmm. can't think of much. going to check out some websites for one of my english classes.

more song lyrics

and so yeah. whatever.

2003-05-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

i would like to mention that i am also single-handedly resposible for world hunger, holes in the ozone layer, war with iraq, SARS, answering machine tapes that cut you off while you're still talking, justin timberlake releasing a solo album, animal testing, george w. bush's foreign policy, WWU's crappy GUR requirements, recent tornados in the midwest, sour milk, er and whatever else.

another place to go

soooo sunny out!

2003-05-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

a whole bunch of really *hot* guys in their underwear just walked by *blushes*

... i love college. :-D

2003-05-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

happy cinco de mayo- if you know what i mean. :-)

happy birthday molly! you're one cute chica!

2003-05-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

yay i FINALLY figured out how to make a link on this damn thing. yay for me. so anyway, i'm sitting here in front of my computer listening to linkin park because i can't listen to ANYTHING ELSE EVER! okay, yes i can, but i'm stuck on linkin park right now. still. WOAH my coffee is strong!!! yay!

you should go here

so yeah- i get to pick up some skirts that i left at home this coming weekend! i'm very excited about this because right now i have three in rotation and i could have two more. they used to be my sister's, but she decided she didn't want them. so enough about skirts. no one really cares anyway. :-P

i was hoping for a little more then 7 hours of sleep last night, but it's more than i thought, at one point, that i would get. more awake than i thought i would be. this blog is going nowhere.

2003-05-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

"I envision Limbo being like a golf course... without the holes and the sand traps. Green, rolling hills- and animals... I imagine animals there too."
-Dr. Moore on Inferno by Dante

2003-05-04T14:25:00.000-07:00

managed about 15 today! omg i am soooooooooooo tired. :-D so yeah, i'm running (not literally anymore!) on about 2 hours of sleep- yeah, totally my fault but whatever. worth it. :-) trying to see if i can make it until about 9:30-10:30 before i crash and burn. as long as i don't try to do any homework i should be okay. my reading puts me out like nothing else- well... almost. i should get my shoes back. :-)

run this morning was good, but long. and as always, i was entertained. *wink* for some reason my abs are sore, but i haven't done anything to make them sore- no sprinting or crunches or pilates or anything. hmmm.... not sure if i am going to be running tomorrow- maybe i'll take a day or two or three off and relax and then start up again. hahahahahahahaha! okay, maybe i'll just take monday off and run easy tuesday. must be careful not to kill my legs. so anyway- enough about running.

ummmmmm... going to be an interesting week. yay for the coming weekend! i gets to see my family!!!! yay... very excited, of course as always.

homework? i think not. i really should invest in a box of crayons. i'll do that next time i go to the store. maybe i'll go for a run tomorrow and get some. er- or whatever. :-)

not too tired to think- but working on it.

positive thought of the day: TRACK IS SOOOOO OVER!!!!!!!!!!

2003-05-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

dammit, i fell asleep before 7am! :-P

2003-05-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

well- at least the season is over?

i'm listening to music from Waking Life right now and starting to feel like sleeping. i don't want to sleep yet!

maybe i'm too dramatic?

ran my slowest time of the season today. que triste.

tomorrow, 12-16 mile run. hopefully i can hit 15 or so and call it good. shouldn't be too bad, seeing as today was kind of a tempo run-

positive thought of the day: i slept really well last night.

2003-05-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness i am tired! i could not sleep last night or this morning. so i got under 5 hours of sleep. fuck that. but damn i made some strong coffee this morning, so yay for that. wow i'm tired. maybe i can take a nap before class, because otherwise i'll be taking a nap IN class.

tomorrow is the last race of the season and if i wasn't so fucking tired i'd be really excited. then i can go for a run after my race AND run run run run run on sunday! the idea on sunday is to run 15 or 16 miles- not sure if i'll be able to run that far because my body will be so tired from racing, but hey. what the hell, worth a shot. it's an out and back run, so i can just turn around.

oh goodness, what to do with myself...

my haircut turned out okay. the person didn't do a very good job, really- so i am going to just live with it and when i go home for summer in 5 or six weeks cut it again. with someone who knows how to layer hair. hmmm...

running is fun and racing just happens to be an added bonus. ergo, racing is fun. psycho viks run like CRAZY!!!
(day six or working on positive mental attitude)

2003-05-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

today should be a pretty decent day- getting my hair cut, track bbq... then after that i dunno. i'm expecting a phone call from my family tonight...

so lots of running obviously ISN"T good for my body... but i don't really feel like compromising.

i am tired, so this entry is all over the place. maybe i'll wear a skirt again today. but not a long one like yesterday, because it hits my sunburned ankles. :-)

wow, okay 30 minutes later and i forgot i was even writing this thing. i even forgot that i wrote parts of it. blah. time to post.

haircut will be fabulous.
(day five of working on positive mental attitude)

2003-04-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

suddenly very nervous about getting my hair cut tomorrow.

2003-04-30T17:34:00.000-07:00

oops- ran my workout too fast today. i felt like i was crawling but really i was running very fast. i really just want to run! yay for saturday... looking foreward ot it... and yeah.

2003-04-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

i am going to have an awesome workout today.

(day four of working on positive mental attitude)

2003-04-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

*ahem*

duh i'm a dork- forgot to mention the final lists for GNAC came out today- i'm now TENTH out of FIFTEEN for my race (yay!) and i'm thinking that really anything involving hand-eye coordination isn't my thing... karl, why did we take 8am badminton? :-)

2003-04-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

so yeah- softball isn't my thing. but one of my friends was ever so patient and only had to show me about one million and a half times how to swing the bat. thanks!!! :-)

mmm... i'm tired! i should try to start my homework or something, but lordy it's so damn boring. okay, so i haven't actually LOOKED at it yet, but seeing as just about everything else we have read has been boring as hell, i can only assume this will be about the same. but we all know what happens when one assumes... *wink*

my legs are so sunburned from sitting in red square for 3.5 hours yesterday so i can't shower and it is too embarrasing to wear shorts/skirts. see, the only parts that are bright red are my shins and feet. oops. i never think i am going to burn as badly as i do, and then do burn badly and go "oh yeah. i'm such a dork. :-P

hmm... still tired.

i'm getting really antsy... i'm hardly running at all this week and it is driving me up a wall. i never really realize how much i actually need to run- mabye "never really realize how physically addicted i am to endorphins" would be a better wording- until i am not running a whole lot and start getting antsy and cranky and stressed and generally weird. but yay for going to one of the places on campus today (places being a scientific technical term) and filling my nalgene with ICE CUBES!!!!!! they were of crunchable size. must remember to do that tomorrow as well.

last track meet this saturday, so if you happen to be in ellensburg, please yell at me to get my ass in gear. but nicely? :-)

21 days to go...

2003-04-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

damn i'm super hot and sexy.

(day three of working on positive mental attitude. did i over-do it there?)

2003-04-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

i'm going to rip it up on saturday! damn i feel good.

(day two of working on positive mental attitude)